Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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