i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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