I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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