There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
