we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We are all done wearing pants today
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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