Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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