you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
