How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
