i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
