Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
