Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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