just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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