i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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