Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Bring me that man meat
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