I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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