She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
