Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
