i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
should my penis look like a turkey
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
