I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
