Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
