We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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