Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
