barbara walters just said penis...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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