I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
