I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
