I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
