i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think we might need a safe word for this...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
