I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
