No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
