I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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