just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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