I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
