Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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