it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
