If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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