i just google imaged poop.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
