Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
