I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i now understand why vodka
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
