We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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