One girl and one boy is just not enough.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
