bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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