why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
