Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
