i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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