i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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