So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
