I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
