You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
