I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
