So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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