I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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