i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
