I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
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I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
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There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
we're so committed to being not committed
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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