At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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