No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
