i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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