I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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