YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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