I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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