Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
