she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
