11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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