I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I love you. Go after that dick
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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