tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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