goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
